Being Bold, Being Brave, and Making Babies

To me, being bold means having that one thing you are passionate about and never letting anyone, or anything, stand in your way. This past year, I did the boldest, bravest thing I have ever done. This past year, I made a baby.

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I know what you’re thinking. “Having a baby isn’t anything to brag about.” But for many couples, including my husband and I, it wasn’t that simple. Three years of trying to conceive, thousands of dollars worth of testing, a miscarriage at ten weeks, hours worth of tears and frustration, and we still didn’t have our baby.

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I had always known that fertility treatment was an option for us. For me, it was a no-brainer. I have wanted to have a baby more than anything in the entire world. When I was a little girl, if someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my first response was always, “a mommy” (only later to be followed by “A Fly Girl on In Living Color”).  That’s why the decision to seek fertility treatment was an easy one for me. I was willing to try anything.

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I’ve been writing/blogging/talking about my difficulty getting pregnant for a while now and because of that many women have approached me with their stories of infertility. Stories that they and their spouses have never told anyone. That they went through privately because they felt embarrassed or ashamed or scared. That they were too worried about how their friends and family would react. And I totally get it. People on social media, who you’ve never even met, or people who you consider to be friends will say things to question your decision. They will make comments or ask questions that they think are helpful, but are actually hurtful:

“You need to make peace with the fact that you might never be able to get pregnant.”

“Why would you spend so much money on fertility treatment? Can’t you just go adopt instead?” 

“Maybe it’s not part of God’s plan for you to ever have children.” 

I mean, really?

I felt stupid for wanting to be a mother. I started to second guess myself, when deep down I knew what we wanted to do.  The doctors already told us about our odds and what we would have to expect. The last thing we needed was negative energy coming from people who have never had to walk in our shoes. Especially when there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Our path to becoming parents was just going to be a bit different.

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So, we did it. We did the fertility treatment. We did a few of them, actually.  And I did what the doctors said I may not be able to do. I took their odds and percentages and I turned those numbers around. I took all the worrying, all the anxiety, all the “should haves” and “could haves,” and made our dream a reality. And this year, I gave birth to a beautiful, 8 pound, 9 ounce, bright-eyed baby boy. Now when I wake up each morning and see that toothless grin smiling up at me, I know, without a shred of doubt, that he was worth it. All the hormone injections, every penny spent, every obstacle, and every stick and stone that was thrown my way, our Liam was worth it all.
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So, if you’ve ever had doubts about making the leap towards fertility treatment, I will tell you this: Be bold! Just go for it! If it’s what you really want, do it. If you are passionate about motherhood, just give it a try. And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for the choices you’ve made, and never, ever let anyone make you feel stupid for wanting to be a mother. It’s your story. You get to help write it.

Make it what you want it to be.