The Unspoken Reality about Becoming Engaged: From His Point of View

 

Editor’s Note: Contributor Aly Murphy recently shared her story about getting engaged with us. Her fiance, Billy, wanted to share his point of view:

By Billy Kenny

I’ve read my fiancee’s article, “The Unspoken Reality About Getting Engaged,” and I’ve heard many females have found it to be relatable. Although I do understand the emotional roller coaster of the unknown, you will find no sympathy here, ladies (well, maybe a little). I am not trying to discredit or make any of the emotions that Aly and multiple women go through during this phase of a relationship less real. All I am trying to say is none of you have ever had to ask your fathers for permission to marry you … and it doesn’t get much easier from there.

In Aly’s article, she gave you an inside look at her three-month long inner monologue. When Aly  asked me to write this article, I believe she was hopeful I would follow a similar format and go step-by-step through my inner monologue over this time period. In my opinion this is the biggest difference between the guys’ and girls’ engagement process experience. The girls have a lot of time to think with very little to do until the question is asked. The guys, on the other hand, have a lot to do and not as much time to think about it all, if they have a date, vacation, or general time frame of when they would like to propose. Therefore, this article will be more of a series of fortunate events that led to one of the best days of my life.

3 months out (December): I knew I wanted to propose to Aly before the summer of 2018. With the holidays fast approaching, I needed to ask her dad for his permission ASAP or I didn’t know when the hell I would have been able to. There were already 3.7 million weddings and weekend obligations on the schedule for the new year, so I needed to get going.

2 months out (January): Got the go head from Mr. Murphy! It was then time to get going on the ring. At that point Aly knew I wanted this to happen, and I had a fairly good idea as to what I wanted the ring to look like. This is where things started getting a little tricky. A lot of this could have been my doing as Aly had an idea of the timeline that I wanted to propose to her by (trust me if you know the Murphys, keeping them in the total dark is not something I would highly recommend), but at this point in the process Aly and I started a little friendly-not-so-friendly competition. It was a daily game of keeping some of my activities (going to and from Diamonds Direct) a secret from a full blown FBI agent hot on my trail.  

1 Month out (February): Got the ring! I was really excited about how it turned out and didn’t know how I was supposed to go home and not give it to Aly right away. Calmer heads prevailed, and I got to the planning on how and where I was going to ask her, along with a little surprise party I wanted to throw for her after the deed had been done.

During all of this planning I was attempting to do, I think Aly had had enough of being kept in the dark. Questions about potential wedding venues and potential wedding dates started to become an every other day discussion. I could definitely tell Aly was getting more and more frustrated at my unwillingness to discuss these things with her at the time. I don’t want to come across too harsh here and tell you that I didn’t care about her growing frustrations, but the truth is I really didn’t. I totally understood and could sympathize with her frustrations. There was just no way with my below average IQ, I was about to start discussing things potentially a year or more away, when I was still trying to finalize the details on certain events a few weeks away. Not to mention I was worried about letting something slip through casual conversation, which I really didn’t want to happen.

Aly is an amazing planner, and trust me, I would have loved to have had her opinion or help with everything I was doing, but for obvious reasons she had to sit this one out. At the time I was just hopeful that she could tough it out for another month and after that we could have a good laugh, write about it for Skirt magazine, then talk about all those things she wanted to talk about.

Week of the big ?: I am honestly not too sure whether Aly had a pretty good idea of the fact I planned on asking her to marry me that coming weekend or not. If she did, she did an amazing job humoring me at least. In all reality, at the time I was far too excited about the thought of asking her to marry me in a few short days to worry or care about all the things I did to try and keep it a surprise. I’m not saying I would go back and change a thing.  The day of the proposal and afterparty couldn’t have gone any better. At the end of the day all that really mattered was Aly and that three letter word, “Yes!”

 

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