They say that your soulmate is your everything, the yin to your yang, the missing piece that makes you whole. Your soulmate is your one and only.Nonsense.

That’s like saying that one perfect outfit is all any wardrobe needs.

I mean, yeah, I could almost live in those jeans that make my butt cute and that sweater that is just the right amount of warm and doesn’t itch, but what about the times I want to climb up on my red stilettos and conquer the world? What about the somber occasions like the way-too-many funerals lately?There is no way my go-to outfit would fit every occasion. Not to mention the fact that I would get a little bored if that was my only choice.

Soulmates are like that.

I’m not saying we need to frolic away with multiple lovers to keep from getting bored– although, no judgment if you want to – but the idea that my husband can meet my every need is ridiculous. Is he my favorite person? You bet, at least most of the time.

There is so much we have fun doing together, even things other women only do with their girlfriends. There is not a shopping trip or errand that isn’t better when he comes along. He’s my best friend and I love spending time with him.

But what about those times I want to discuss the latest novel? Or talk about the merits of one bourbon over another? What about when I want to dance?

Sure, he will gamely participate in all of those things. But he won’t embrace them with the joy of a friend who really loves those things. He has other, different interests. Some, I share and some I leave to him and his friends (like bowling. I just don’t get bowling).

My husband, my soulmate, couldn’t possibly be the only piece to complete me because my soul is a whole quilt of patterns and holes. My daughter is a soulmate. My best friend is a soulmate. Even my not-best-friend is sometimes a soulmate.

Spending every waking moment with one someone because he is your soulmate isn’t love – it’s co-dependence.

I would no more ask my husband to be my every-occasion soulmate than I would sew sequins on my favorite jeans so I can wear them to a gala. They may be comfortable, but they aren’t appropriate. I need a whole wardrobe of soulmates.

Helen Mitternight is a former AP reporter and current freelancer living in downtown Charleston. She headed up public relations for the Humane Society of the...

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