In my last post I wrote about how, over time, I let go of that dream and created a new definition of success. I discovered that I was more in love with the idea of the goal than the actual pursuit of it. I’d romanticized how achieving the goal would make me feel: happy, free, like my life had meaning.
There was nothing wrong with my dream, in and of itself. It still sounds perfectly amazing, if it’s what I’d truly wanted.
Back then, my identity was wrapped up in something that I’d not yet achieved. Something that remained out of reach. It took walking away from that dream to learn the biggest and most important lesson: the thing I was searching and working so hard for already existed inside myself. And for that, I have no regrets.
That was fifteen years ago, and today on my personal blog I write about my ongoing journey to create a life that feels like home, one that’s rooted in living authentically.
So, this is where life becomes fun and ironic. Soon, my husband, the kids and I will leave Charleston and board a plane destined for Los Angeles.
We’ll be gone for almost a month—long enough to settle in, get a rhythm, and relax into our temporary home, a two-bedroom condo on the beach. Two bedrooms will work just fine for our family of five because our kids sleep Willy Wonka style, all together and on top of each other.
And, unlike in the dreams of my younger days, we’re going for my husband’s career, not mine. His days will be filled with meetings and conferences while mine will be filled with early morning writing before the kids wake up (much like my regular life) and then enjoying our daily adventures, with no real agenda except to be present and go with the flow.
I always find it interesting when something you used to want comes back around, but in a much different way. Our month in LA will be my chance to dance with the memory of the life I once imagined. A chance to examine my life now against the backdrop of the path I didn’t take.
It’s also a chance to reconnect with what I have, the thing I was seeking so long ago: a deep sense that my life is meaningful and good.
I will get a unique opportunity to escape distractions, to fully embrace my roles as writer, mom and wife. A chance to live with only what gets packed in our suitcases, free from clutter and excess. A chance to dip my toes in the Pacific, go to Disneyland, and try to get a selfie with the kids and the Hollywood sign.
And, most importantly, this will be a chance to test out my own philosophy, my belief that home is more than a destination on a map. Home is who we already are, a state of being.
If you’d like to follow along on my adventures, go to AngieMizzell.com and sign up for email updates.