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Renee CK

writer, editor

I'm a fun girl who's on a quest to figure it all out. I'm cynical but living the dream- I'm not sure how that happened exactly. Follow along in my blog for fun, mayhem, and merriment. There's never a dull day!...

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Is It Me?

if it isn't, it might be

Someone I’m closely related to went away with her extended family for the long weekend.  Extended family includes her brother-in-law, his almost 16 year old son and the son’s best friend/son of his dad’s girlfriend.  Since my close relative has been involved with this family, the almost 16 year old, her nephew, has had a sense of entitlement.  The family is very adamant about keeping the family name and since he’s the first son, he’s the heir.  As if this wasn’t bad enough, nephew’s mom walked out on him and his dad and dad is the kind of dad who has a bleeding heart so he makes a concerted effort to do right by his son.  So, when son wanted a cell phone, he got one.  When son wanted a thick chain, he got one.  When he wants....he gets. 

My relative took her nephew to the store for fireside supplies along with best friend.  The deal is when nephew drives to, best friend drives back.  On the way, nephew told my relative that her SUV wasn’t “the shit” because it has no pickup.  Mind you, it normally totes 1 girl and twin 5 year old boys so pickup was not in the top 5 features relative was looking for when purchasing, but when it’s opened up, it does go.  When time came to head back, best friend moved toward the driver’s side but nephew made noises about it being his privledge to drive back. Did the rules change because it’s his aunt or something?  No, but he wanted and when he wants....but this time he didn’t get.  Relative told him the word he never hears- no.  After throwing fireside supplies and a few f-bombs, relative told him he could just walk back then.  That didn’t sway him so she decided to drive and started off.  (Now this is starting to sound/look like something that would go down between my 8 year old and myself.)  Relative stopped before she left the parking lot to offer him one last opportunity to ride and was again refused so she let him walk.

The ride back featured a monologue from best friend saying that if he disrespected relative and her SUV like that, his mom would kill him.  When relative got back to the house, her brother-in-law was mad at her for letting him walk.  (Deep record scratch.)  Wha? What?

Other conversations and arguments happened through the course of the weekend in which nephew had overstepped his almost-16 boundaries but no one else cared because he’s the heir. 

Now if you are in a “my kid is a saint” mindset, you might not want to read further.  Feelings may be hurt. I whole heartedly believe that it is kids like this who turn out to be kids who cause scenes like this in Home Depot.  Even if he would have been caught making fun of five year olds with slow reflexes and ignorance of the bathroom location, it wouldn’t be his fault.  (Nevermind the fact that I know for a fact that this kid was still relieving himself in public until he was my son’s age.) 

This is a demonstration of what happens when helicopter parenting goes wrong.  Yes, we want the best for our kids, but does that mean we have to give it to them if they can’t get it themselves?  This nephew is planning on going to the university I went to. I can tell you for certain that it’s not a matter of if he’ll get his spoiled ass kicked there, it’s when.  Mouthing off to the wrong bartender, laying hands on the right girl, or worse.  I can’t find the research (but so wish I could) to back this up, but I heard recently that there is a link between helicopter parents and college drop out rates.  It won’t be the right or wrong person that will kick his ass, it’ll be the course loads.  When dad isn’t there to talk the prof into an extention because the heir has a hangover or grandpa isn’t able to buy a passing grade for him, then what will he do? 

Want to know if you’re a helicopter parent?  Ask yourself these questions...

1.  Does your child have chores to do at home? 
2.  Does your child have a list of toys/games s/he wants?
3.  Do you consider your child to be a cause of things like black eyes/bad grades/detention?
4.  Can you find your child’s bedroom floor?
5.  Does your child get invited over to old friends’ homes?
6.  Does your child wear clothes more than one time?

If you answered no to any of these questions, then you may be a helicopter parent.  Children should have responsibility. Teaching them how to cook and clean up after themselves as they are able helps teach them how to do it when they have to do it.  I’m not saying have the 3 year old cleaning toilets but I am saying there is no reason a 14 year old shouldn’t know how to do laundry.   Your child should not be given everything their heart desires with an extra helping of upgrades when they want it.  This is part of the problem with our economy.  We’ve become such a “buy on credit” society that if we don’t have it yesterday, we’re not happy. (Said she who keeps checking her email for the message that her new Samsung Instinct is off back order and on it’s way.)  Sometimes we can’t have brand name this and 14 carat that...we have to live within our means.  And if you have so much that you can’t take care of it, then you really have a problem, part of which goes back to the having responsibilities.  If you have something, you have to be responsible for it.  If your kid doesn’t get invited back, you might want to consider that they aren’t being respectful or responsible for their actions when they are out of your sight and the friend’s parents won’t stand for it.  It might hurt your feelings a bit, but calling someone who’s doorstep you’ve not graced in awhile might not be a bad start to fixing your problems.

Sure, we all have our quirks, but if you find that more often than not you’re defending your child and his or her actions, maybe you need to think about the fact that you might be the problem.  Tough love may be tough but in the end the people who benefit are you, your child, and people like me and my relative who deserve respect.  In the long run, your child will be able to stand on his or her own two feet.  If you do your job as a parent right, you should be putting yourself out of business.

Enjoy!
Renee