blog entry

Eternal Flame

What do you say? what do you do? what do you think? when you think the spark has faded the flame has dimmed?  Dimmed isn’t quite the right word or expression; darker than the deep black abyss, is more the feeling. 

I feel like I jumped out of a speedboat and my life raft has a slow leak.  How long do you tread water?  How long can you keep your head above water?  Who will rescue me – from myself?

My heart has shriveled and my soul has shattered.  I sit around feeling sorry for myself and my shattered soul.  And it was stupid.  How one moment in time can send you paddling for the sandbar –  the safety net.

He fixed himself breakfast and I was offered nothing – nada – zero – zip.  I open my big mouth to make a negative comment and he gets all defensive and uppity.  His condescending tone knocked me back down a league or two.

Basically it was over sausage and I don’t even like sausage.  The sausage was the tip of the iceberg not the real issue.  What unseen arrow pierced my heart?  Why did I jump off into the deep end?  He could at least have tossed me a lifeline.

He’s not like that and forever I have wanted him to be a little like that.  A little love and pampering would be nice.  Why?  Why can’t he meet me halfway?  And why does a breakfast sausage send me into this pity pit?

Where has my spark, my flame, my burning desire gone?  Did it slip away one day when I wasn’t paying attention?  Will it return?  Or will I sink to the depths of despair with Davy Jones?  Wasn’t he one of the Monkees?

Does one need to be extra special to possess an eternal flame?  Or can I add my own fuel to the flame?  Or perhaps accept the lifeless spark that has dimmed so much?