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Krrobi

Teacher / Writer

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Woman's Search For Meaning

Kim Sisto Robinson

Jesus said… but whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave; even as the Son of man came not to be served but to serve…

I believe in God. From a very young age, I knew there was more for me; somebody greater than me; something planned out for me.  I wondered if others had the same questions as I did; questions about why we were on earth, what the purpose of life was. I mean, if we were only born to die, nothing else made sense.  And if we had no place to go after death, life was irrelevant.  At least, to me.

I  believe God introduced me to literature and writing to find answers; to find Him.  He knows me. And He knows He can always speak to me through the written word, especially if the words are decadent and lush. You know when you hear people say God spoke to them or God gave them a particular verse?  Well, for me, He brought the right books into my life at the right time: Jonathan Livingston Seagull, The Bible, Coming Back, When He Whispers Your Name, Rose, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Traveling Mercies, Grace Eventually, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Night, The Scent of God, Three Cups of Tea, Wild Iris, and the beauty and glossary goes on my entire life thus far…

I have found meaning and substance in all of these glistening jewels; the words have transformed me, poured over me like baptism, like resurrection. My cup overflows. And God already knew this would happen.   He is so smart.  He recognized I couldn’t keep the light hidden or the fire in my own hearth.  You see, if we keep the exquisiteness of life to ourselves, it is all for nothing. And if we only live for ourselves, we are already dead.

So...

Aright, I’ll try to explain myself in another way. Last week I watched “Into the Wild.” The movie was outstanding—about a young man who gives everything up to live in Alaska alone.  At first his experience was unbelievably spectacular, the sizzling red sunrises and sunsets, the magnificent wildlife, the sound of absolute silence.  It was heaven in the beginning.  I kept exclaiming to my son, “Why would somebody want to hoard all of this beauty to themselves?  Why would this guy want to absorb the entire splendor alone? I don’t get it, if something doesn’t change soon, none of what he’s doing will be relevant”

At the end of the movie as the young man was dying (I won’t tell you why, I already told you enough. Sorry), he lifted himself up from his bed to scratch some last words in his diary.  He wrote:  “Nothing is worth while unless it isshared.” I jumped up from the couch screaming, “Yeah, Baby!”  My son, once again, thought I was insane.  But I was excited about that particular piece of dialogue; suddenly those eight words made Into the Wild completely pertinent. 

 We can’t do it alone

It’s about taking the fire and distributing it every place we go.  It’s about giving an offering of yourself.  It’s about coming to the realization that we are all meant for something significant; something enormously amazing. For me, the meaning of life is washing the feet of humanity. And even though I fail miserably, this is an everyday goal—next to prayer and meditation.

I’m not writing this to tell you whom you’re God should be, or what your purpose is.  That’s your job. But I am telling you my story, what my God has revealed to me, what I am trying to do with the fire I hold inside.  And I’m not ashamed to admit that I couldn’t do it alone. Life that is...I’m not strong enough.  Some days are unbearable, and my only solution is to fall to my knees and let go of the world, to knock on His door and cry out, “Emmanuel, I’m coming in!”

Alleluia, Amen.

~RECOMMENDED BOOKS FOR THE SASSY, OPINIONATED SEEKER~

 ~Life. Fire. Being on fire, we set others on fire. ---Anais’ Nin